Online news, tornado ripped through Manhattan last night; Chapman pretty much destroyed.  Calls from both Jonathan and Chris; the Mercury has a one-page Breaking News instead of its regular website; updates on the KC Star and other regional news sites.  Daniel Marcus says the tornado “was extremely narrow and sporadic in touching down.”  About 30 homes destroyed, many damaged.  I am waiting to hear from Anna, and others.  Called Kelly, both houses are ok, they got to make use of their “safe room” in the new house.

Mark sends emails with updates from work and wishes me “a wonderful afternoon”.

Went outside to hose down the bird poop on the second floor office window.  Walking around, pulling the hose, looking around, I think, What the hell am I doing here. 

June 13.  We went out to get our favorite Fortune Wok dinner (carry out) last night.  The order wasn’t ready so we went for a short walk around the shopping area and talked a bit.  I told Mark about this here = Olathe not feeling like home.  Especially the townhouse here was meant to be temporary, an inbetween thing until we know? have decided? what to do next.  I am not sure that I would want to move back to Manhattan – it would feel awkward to start a studio there again – aside from the fact that Mark has a good job here and we can’t really afford to move away from that.  So, not there anymore but not really here yet either, even though I have been away from Manhattan for more than a year, and here in Olathe for almost a year.  

I remember, not the year, but how it felt, that summer when I was sick, trying to get back on my feet.  I had started a piano summer program with lots of new students – and as I was dragging along, rescheduling lessons, ill-prepared for the ones I did teach, I felt like I was failing.  I was.  Failing.  This summer feels similar in that my focus is not on teaching because there’s so much else going on.  Last night I thought that I want to make teaching my first priority this summer, because of the similarity.